Inspiration has not yet struck me with an idea for a blog about the texts we have already studied but whilst reading Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" I was, at least, struck by something. This is my attempt at writing a story about conflicting clichés like the characters in Rand's novel. I did not attempt to mimic Rand's satirical style as I find it more enjoyable to make my irony less apparent. or maybe that's my excuse for a lack of things 'between the lines'.
If you were to start reading The Fountainhead from the second part entitled 'Ellsworth M. Toohey' it would be excusable to begin thinking you were reading a romance story between Dominique and Roark but this mirage soon disappears and we realise Rand's amazing artifice. She is able to draw the reader in with illicit promises and then smash them under the smiling view of the duped audience. I like this idea of a romance story without romance and this story perhaps stemmed from my desire to write one of my own.
Andrew James Merrick
SINKING FEELING
‘If they’re too weak, too stupid, to rise above the level of shit-kicker then they haven’t earned the right to complain. Unions are full of greedy men trying to get something for nothing through force of numbers. A dozen rotten eggs don’t make a good omelette just by mixing together. Why should a union of imbecilic shit-kickers even be heard, let alone allowed to strike. They’ve got a job to do just like the rest of us. They should be happy we even allow them to get paid.’ George sliced calmly through an onion as he stood at the kitchen bench. The rest of us just sat astonished on chairs or cushions on the floor around the eat-in kitchen. He wouldn’t even turn to look at us as he delivered his hateful sermon, not even when Paul tried lamely to argue against his point. He merely raised his voice to cut off Paul’s abortive attempt and continued his tirade. The knife in his hand never wavered or moved passionately even as his voice grew in fervour.
The first time I saw George Stanwell I thought he was beautiful. It was months ago that I met him at his restaurant. When I first spoke to him I saw only a cold arrogance in his eyes. The illusion of his beauty was violently revealed to me in that moment.
I realised, sitting in the kitchen of my family’s holiday house as he held court, that it wasn’t arrogance I had seen in those cold, dark eyes, but contempt.
We all stared daggers into his back as he continued his bilious speech. What had started as a relaxing weekend away with friends had suddenly become a violent polemic on fascism. He disgusted me.
George was one of those men who had come from a poorer background and had “risen above his station”, as he had once described it, so he felt a unique right to hate those he deemed “too weak” or “too stupid” to do this for themselves. I had never liked him and right then he disgusted every fibre of my being.
As he was beginning a new tirade on religion I jumped out of my chair and stormed out the back door fuming.
I walked over and stood by the pool which gazed over the cliff-top the house stood on, staring at the waves raging against the rocks below. I heard someone follow me out but didn’t turn to see who it was.
‘Baby, I’m sorry. He sometimes does this. He’s just trying to get a rise out of everyone.’ Daniel tried to stroke my shoulder reassuringly as he spoke.
I spun around violently, pushing his hand away. ‘Don’t call me baby. I hate it and I hate him. He’s a cruel, selfish child. I don’t care if he’s just trying to “get a rise out of me” I don’t want him here. Why did you invite him?’
I shouldn’t have asked that question and diverted my point. I should have just made him tell George to pack up and go then and there. He took solace in the diversion, thankful to avoid facing the more powerful male.
‘He’s one of my oldest friends. He only just got back from his mum’s funeral. I wanted to give him a distraction. Show him a good time.’
At the mention of George’s mother I felt my anger dissipate slightly and allowed Daniel to take me back inside.
When we arrived the mood in the house had changed dramatically. Everyone was now standing watching George dazzle them with his Teppanyaki-style cooking tricks. They gasped as he tossed sauce from one pan to another without spilling a single drop. He bared his white fangs in a smile as he flipped and threw the vegetables in the wok. I couldn’t believe they had been wooed so easily. I poured myself a glass of wine then took it and the rest of the bottle into the bedroom Daniel and I were sharing. I felt George's eyes watching me as I left. He knew he had some sort of power over me but I was too maddened to resent the fact.
When dinner was ready Daniel came to collect me but I refused to eat. He dutifully offered to stay but I told him to leave. I finished the bottle of wine while my friends and George entertained themselves outside. I could hear the murmur of his voice and could sense the tone in their voices as he effectively won them over like a political recruiter. I forced myself to get into bed and calmed myself with the thought that I would be cutting his getaway short in the morning.
Late in the night I woke groggily as Daniel tried to slip silently into the bed. He put his arms around me and pressed his body against my back. After a moment I noticed him slowly thrusting his crotch against me. When he slipped his hand over onto my breast I got up making excuses about needing a glass of water.
Walking through the house I noticed that everyone else had also gone to bed. I was alone. I quietly filled a glass at the tap then took it outside to the pool to drink it. As I stood, once again gazing at the ocean enjoying the cold night wind on my face I noticed moonlight glinting off something on the poolside table in my periphery. I turned to find a metal lighter sitting atop a pack of cigarettes and a half-empty wine bottle standing beside them. I sat down at the table and took a cigarette. As I lit it I noticed the lighter had a plain, unadorned engraving upon one of its faces. “M. Stanwell”. It was George’s lighter. I threw it angrily into the pool then took the wine and drank fully from the lip.
When I was near the end of the cigarette I happily took another and lit it with the last embers of the first. I had decided to smoke as many of George Stanwell’s cigarettes as I could, all the while drinking the rest of the wine I imagined was also his.
As I neared the bottom of the bottle and my third cigarette had started playing the light fantastic with my head a memory sprang completely unwelcome into my mind. Maria’s. That was the name of George’s restaurant, named after his sick mother. Maria Stanwell. It was his mother’s lighter!
No matter how strongly I hated the man I couldn’t allow myself to be so cruel. I attempted a sudden jump out of my chair but after a night spent pickling my limbs with wine I only managed to fling myself onto my knees on the hard concrete tiles. I winced and raised myself, feeling pressure welling behind my eyes and ran as best I could over to the poolside. The lighter lay gleaming at me in the pool lights about half way along, thankfully within a short distance of the edge. I gazed around for some sort of reaching tool to collect it with but found none. I stumbled my way to the kitchen and returned with a broom.
I sat down on the lip of the pool reaching out with the broom but only managed to knock the lighter further away. I stood up and braced my legs on the tile lip, reaching out as far as I could with the broom, but still fell short. I leant further in, tried for the lighter again, and missed. I carefully leant further and almost found purchase. Leaning further still, I made another attempt. Still too far. As I was bringing the broom back the inevitable happened. I flew headlong into the water.
As soon as the icy coolness struck my face I began to panic. I flailed but could not rise. I felt myself overcome by a primeval fear - like I was being swallowed. My mind began to cloud. I realised, even with the sound of my flailing limbs, the pool was still too far away from the house for anyone to be woken by the noise and come rescue me. I felt my feet strike the bottom of the pool and tried to push off against it to reach the surface, but in my panic I’d managed to float out further into the deep end. Water entered my mouth and nose as my field of vision grew more restricted. My lungs were filling with a heaviness and I realised I didn’t feel cold, nor could I feel the pain in my knees any longer. As my peripheral vision disappeared completely I started to welcome the weightlessness, the painlessness. I felt as if I was being pulled by some unknown force from behind, then, as my face cleared the surface, I realised I was. Someone dragged me to the edge of the pool as I coughed the water out of my lungs. My vision returned and my saviour was finally revealed to me. I was looking into the cold, dark eyes of George Stanwell.
He placed his hands around my waist to try and lift me out but his touch repulsed me. I pushed him away and lunged to get away from him. I found myself engulfed again. In my blind rage I had thrown myself right back into the deep. Panic returned, then the flailing. I felt George grab me once again and I allowed him to haul me back up.
‘What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know how to swim?’ He blasted disdainfully.
The truth was I had never learned. I couldn’t look at him. He made me feel so weak, so stupid. To him I was one of those girls who had been coddled by wealthy parents their entire childhood and never bothered to learn such things. It had never been necessary though.
I finally forced myself to look towards him expecting to see this hatred in his eyes. He stared back at me but his eyes were unreadable.
‘Trust me.’ The words were like a slap from an unseen foe. I was dumbstruck. He placed his hands gently around my waist and lifted me until my body lay laterally across the surface of the water. I had expected his hands to be rough and calloused from all the years working in the kitchen but they were soft. I felt myself relaxing in his grasp and my body began to float as he pulled me over to the shallow end.
He stood me up. Feeling my feet touch solid ground again sent a further calm through me.
‘What are you doing?’ I managed.
‘I’m teaching you how to swim.’
This was no longer the cruel, arrogant George Stanwell I had known. This was a stranger. A stranger I felt safer with than anyone else I’d ever known. He had saved my life and was now teaching me how to save myself.
He spent the rest of the night calmly, patiently teaching me how to survive. Giving me a sort of strength. When the sun began to rise I was able to struggle from one end of the pool to the other in some semblance of freestyle.
As we were drying off afterwards he turned to me and asked, ‘How did you end up falling in anyway?’
Realisation dawned on me violently. I shrieked out a gasp and rushed back to the pool. The lighter was still in there winking at me in the lights. George followed me and saw what I was staring at. Without hesitation he dived in and fetched it.
Pulling himself out of the water, he grabbed a towel and walked back towards the house. With his back toward me he stopped to ask, ‘How did it get there?’
I could not speak. He seemed to know my answer. He walked into the house.
I stayed by the pool. After a few moments I heard his car start out the front and he left.
Daniel never asked why he left and made a point of never seeing George again. Even after our relationship ended I never tried to see George either.
I sincerely hope that that man, that patient man who had calmly taught me to swim that night, hates the person he appears to be - if only so I can forgive myself for caring about him.